Why Hipsters Should Move to Staten Island

So the hipsters want to pretend they live in a trailer park. They've converted an empty factory into a garage for trailers because everyone knows making lofts outta that shit is so 2008. The new 'trailer park' is in Bushwick, which is where the kids started to migrate when the market tanked and the trust funds couldn't keep up with Williamsburg rents.

The only next logical step is that the hipsters move across the Verrazano to Staten Island, because who would expect that.

Here's a few reasons why:

We have Carnies: You would not believe how many shitty carnivals, second-rate circuses and generally sleazy ethnic fairs there are on Staten Island every summer.

There's a historic village: Just like in that Chuck Palahniuk movie 'Choke.' I know, it's not as violent as 'Fight Club' but look at what these chics wear. Who wants to be an administrative assistant when you can work at this place.

There is an actual trailer park: Over on the industrial end of the Island, where the fumes of New Jersey's factories drive across the Bayonne Bridge in buses, there is a real-life mobile home community -- or as the locals call them: garden homes.

So, what's it gonna be Brooklyn? Maybe this summer you guys can come here, work in a local attraction, live in a fine garden home, find a cute bumpkin to drink 40s with, fall in love, and listen to Crowded House just like this Michael Cera lookin' mofo in 'Adventureland.'

Crowded House - Don't Dream It's Over