OMG: Albany's Brangelina

You guys hear about the latest pseudo-celebrity romance news from Albany? It's the most exciting Staten Island political gossip since Vito Fossella left his family to spend more time with his other family.

It turns out that State Senator Diane Savino is totally hooking up with State Senator Jeff Klein. The story was so juicy that the New York Post called the pair 'Albany's Brangelina.' Get it, because... actually no it doesn't make any sense at all. (In the same piece the Post also called them Klavino, which is even worse because it sounds like a venereal disease.)

Anyway, once the beans were spilled all over the Page 6 gossip column Savino finally fessed up to the Advance.

"He's a nice, white, Jewish lawyer senator. It's hard to beat that combination."

OOOOH! You go girlfriend!

In legislative news, after being crowned 'Albany's Brangelina' New York State lawmakers quickly passed a resolution allowing the lovebirds to adopt 15 orphaned children from Utica and Buffalo.

Grimm start for local congressman

We weren't big fans of Mike Grimm on the campaign trail, but he is our congressman now and we'd like him to function like a nominally cogent human politician. So far - and, it's only been like 2 weeks - Grimm has stumbled over himself a few times.

It started with Grimm's reaction to the failed assassination attempt on Arizona Rep. Gabrielle Giffords. Grimm's solution was to arm members of Congress so next time, more people get shot.

But when "two dozen" protestors gathered outside his office Monday to protest the attempt to repeal health care reform, Grimm responded like a seasoned amateur.

Grimm called the demonstration “nothing more than political grandstanding.”

Mr. Grimm, this is not a campaign, these are your constituents now, you have to at least pretend to listen to them. And, we are not sure if you know this but not that many people out here even give a shit about you or what you do. You should be grateful that "two dozen" people know what your name is.

Congressman McMahon, the person he has replaced, faced a lot of criticism and prostests from people like the Tea Party. But as hard as they worked to block his reelection, he never dismissed them and what they did as "political grandstanding."

That's two strikes on our count, Mr. Grimm. And if you don't come up with any solutions (see health care) but continue your tactics of obstruction you've got a real painful two years ahead of you.

Did a Democratic operative hack into local Tea Party Web site?

There was a story that came to light Monday about the local Tea Party stepping up into the political realm of Staten Island by infiltrating the Republican County Committee which selects the nominees for GOP ballot line - or something like that.

The move is kind of a no-brainer. The group is just a bunch of disgruntled Republicans anyways, so why not try to replace the current GOPers in power?

Of course they will get a shit ton of resistance from the Island's establishment - but hey, screw them, right? What have they done for us lately?

However, there was one interesting, overlooked nugget buried in the report by New York Observer's David Freedlander, who seems like a real awesome dude.

Here is the excerpt, referring to an e-mail note that the Tea Party was preparing to send out to it's 2,000 (yeah, right) members:

The note has not yet been sent out to Tea Party members. It was discovered on the group's website by John F. Lavelle, an active local Democrat and son of a longtime Democratic  power broker. He told The Politicker that he found the page by signing in as an administrator and taking a guess as to what the website's password was.

His first, and correct guess, was "Constitution."

Sounds like amateur hour espionage to us. Weird though that the Tea Party hasn't responded to this blatant form of thievery from an Island Democratic operative. Aren't these the same people who compared President Obama's new health care overhaul to white "slavery" - really. They do have a tendency to bloviate a bit.

Then the Advance ran a story also, without mentioning the whole Lavelle/hacking pseudo-scandal. But wait there's more:

Staten Island: You done goofed

Election night hangover is in full effect. Not from booze or weed (Prop 19 failed) but from a late night of watching election returns come in from around the country.

But like the double rainbow, the election left us wondering: what does it mean?

On a national scale, the election confirmed our belief that the Tea Party is wildly overblown: the witch lady lost in Delaware, Paladino and his baseball bat went down in glorious flames, Sharron Angle was pummeled by Harry Reid, Sarah Palin's pick in Alaska, Joe Miller, looks like he will go down to a write-in candidate of Lisa Murkowski.

Sure, Republicans picked up lots of seats in the house of a bunch of governorships, but most big ticket Tea Party crazy candidates went down. One exception being Rand Paul, a guy who want to privatize social security - good luck with that.

But Staten Island's congressional race was a close one. Incumbent Mike McMahon and Mike Grimm battled back and forth late into the night, and Grimm was left standing.

Last gaffe for Carl Paladino

We're gonna miss you Carl!

Even though only 13 people showed up to your last Staten Island meet-and-greet, you were by far the best (local) candidate to make fun of.

The election is tomorrow, and it's hard to think what life will be like without you: your misogynist statements, your white rage, those hardcore pornographic e-mails... All will be lost.

As if your fat head never emerged from the wastelands of Buffalo.

If Christine O'Donnell weren't a practicing witch you could've have rode your bullshit campaign into a national spotlight of vulgar assholery.

But you were rendered to viral internet memes. Better than nothing, we guess.

What has Mike Grimm done for Staten Island?

The midterm Congressional election on Staten Island is a competition between a politician who has served the borough for the past decade and a mystery man who recites Sarah Palin talking points.

Last night on NY1, Mike Grimm and Mike McMahon slowly devoured each other in a preview of Tuesday night's discussion at Wagner College.

Both candidates landed a few jabs, there was only a modicum of policy discussion, and the event set a precedent for the closing weeks of what is purportedly a battle for the future of Staten Island's soul.

But it's not. It doesn't matter. Tuesday's debate will likely revolve around the same nonsense that we were subject to in the NY1 preview: all spit and no substance.

Mike Grimm overreacts to NPR debacle

This one comes thanks to the people at Rap Scholar.

Juan Williams, the always reliable Alan Colmes-ish liberal foil on Fox News, was fired from his NPR gig after saying some pretty ignorant and flat-out dumb stuff about Muslims, or Mooslims as they're called on Staten Island.

"When I get on the plane, I got to tell you, if I see people who are in Muslim garb and I think, you know, they are identifying themselves first and foremost as Muslims, I get worried. I get nervous."

Replace "Muslims" with "black people" and "plane" with "dark alley" and you'll see how far we've come with race relations in this country.

Anyway, NPR may have over reacted in firing Williams, but not as much as Mike Grimm, Staten Island's next Congressional representative (according to all the mail we're getting).

Grimm wants NPR de-funded by the government, so they can solicit ads from Goldline or something.

Why we vote: Tea Party Nazis

When it comes to political bickering, the Nazi card gets tossed around the blogosphere more than a Hacky Sack at Bonnaroo. But it's hard to avoid using the N-word when you have a candidate who actually dresses up and performs military re-enactments as a Waffen-SS soldier.

Meet Rich Iott, a Republican, Tea Party-backed candidate for Ohio's 9th district. Iott is a millionaire former-CEO of Food Town Supermarkets and Boy Scout. Iott also likes to play Nazis with his friends every so often.

The Atlantic's Joshua Green revealed the candidate's connection to Wiking, a group of World War II re-enactment enthusiasts. (Kind of like Comic Con, for old war nuts.) Problem is, they enjoy re-enacting the other side, specifically the 5th SS Panzer Division Wiking, an actual Nazi division that fought for Hitler's domination of Eastern Europe.

Oh, and there's pictures:

Why we should vote: Jim DeMint

Politics is boring, amirite?

Sometimes we wonder what the hell those guys do down in DC, anyways. And the elections can seem like one ineffective milquetoast candidate against some old white, god-fearing 'patriot'.

We have our own competitive House race in Staten Island. And the Right-wingers have a huge boner over it. Normal people just want the trash picked up and maybe a job.

But every so often a story pops up that scares the bejesus out of us with the prospect of the GOP taking control of this country once again, and reminds us that we should probably head to the polls in November.

Meet Jim DeMint. A crusading social conservative. DeMint is a US Senator from South Carolina.

If the Republicans take over in Washington, it'll be guys like DeMint in charge, trying to repeal legislation and get us "realigned with our Savior.” Yeah, he said that.  

DeMint doesn't like gay people - or, women in general.

According to the Spartanburg Herald-Journal, the guy went all stone-age at a recent 'Freedom Rally' in South Carolina:

Who killed Mike Grimm's (fake) Twitter account?

In this new media environment politicians don't have to shake hands or kiss babies to win elections - they just need a Twitter account.

Don't believe us? Just ask @SarahPalinUSA

The revolution will not be televised; it will be live-streaming on your cell phone.

So it's no surprise that the two candidates for Staten Island's most important public office took to the Internets and got themselves a social media presence on both the Facebook and the Twitter.

We were a bit curious, however, when someone set up a fake account for Congressman Mike McMahon. The anonymous user tweets 'jokes' every so often, like this one:

Another hate crime in Staten Island! Some guy on Hylan Blvd just called me "tubby."

The account has 12 followers.

Anyways, a fake account popped up for McMahon's opponent Mike Grimm Thursday. The jokes were just as bad, but the account has been suspended.

What will Governor Paladino give Staten Island?

Get your wish list out.

A new poll came out Wednesday morning that showed crazy Carl Paladino inching closer toward Andrew Cuomo in the race to be bring a baseball bat to Albany.

This is great news! Why? Because, Carl Paladino loooves Staten Island -- even though we didn't vote for him and our local paper can't even spell his name correctly.

So, if crazy Carl is elected governor, we pretty much get anything we want, right? Here's a few things Staten Island could get from Governor Paladino:

Post-primary hangover: the stench of racist emails and Jesus Freaks

So yesterday was primary day.

In local events Mike Grimm beat Mike Allegretti -- whatevs, not sure many people actually give a shit.

On Staten Island, Grimm bagged 6,797 votes. That's about 1.5 percent of the Island's population. You could probably get more than 1.5 percent of Staten Island to vote the "The Situation" if he was on the ballot.

The more interesting results came from the Republican primary for Governor of New York State, where a crazy racist e-mailer, cruised to victory over the flailing Rick Lazio.

Paladino has some very inventive ideas about how to reform state government including baseball bats, calling Jewish people Hitler, and sending welfare recipients to prison. But for the past few years, Paladino has been busy sending around racist emails.

The full monty has been uncovered by wnymedia.net. Some of the highlights are (don't click unless you actually want to see what is described) neo-Nazi Obama propaganda, racist jokes about Africa, porn, racist Obama again, porn, more porn, ugly racism, and, honestly not sure - something involving animals and sex.

It could be possible that Paladino was hitting the forward button innocently, unknowingly sending dirty, misogynist, white power, emails to a long list of Buffalo officials and state workers.

But here's the thing. When confronted about the offensive content in the e-mails Paladino actually responded by defending himself. His logic is antiquated, old-man stuff, complete with a gamut of ethnic slurs ("dago," "spic," "polack"). It's like someone transported Archie Bunker's armchair from the 1970's right into Carl Paladino's office:

Dump guide to primary day

Are you excited about primary day Tuesday? Alright, well keep reading anyway.

Here on Staten Island the big Congressional battle between two dapper wanna-be GOP nominees will maybe bring out a few hundred or so voters.

Mike Grimm and Mike Allegretti are the two Republican candidates for Congress on the ballot for the 13th district.The winner of tomorrow's battle royale will advance to the next round against Democrat Mike McMahon in November (kinda like 'American Idol.')

If you are a registered Republican, and still on the fence, we have done the service of summing up the candidates and their most important attributes:

Who has better hair?

This was a close one. While Grimm has a very neatly-trimmed military style crew cut, Allegretti has a little more to work with. This gives him the opportunity of mixing it up a bit, stylistically speaking. He can go with the youthful Italian spike up front, or comb it real business-like when he visits the senior centers. Advantage: Allegretti

Who has the best endorsement?

Gotta give this one to Grimm. By bagging Sarah Palin, the de-facto leader of the Republican party, Grimm will be raking in the out-of-state cash once primary season is over. Allegretti has Vito Fossella, which is great locally but seems to have lost his luster a bit.

Who has better experience?

Grimm was in the FBI and Marines. Sounds great. Only problem is he keeps misusing and allegedly lying about his record - not cool. Allegretti has a good business background, and hasn't run any failed restaurants - nothing earth-shattering. Grimm is kinda smug about the whole Marines thing as well. Think it goes to Allegretti by default.

Who has the better positions?

Both candidates pretty much toe the GOP line on everything from fiscal policy, government spending, health care, the war in Afghanistan. Both have a common disdain for Nancy Pelosi and pretty much everything Obama has accomplished or tried to push through Congress. Notably cap-and-trade, the failed legislation to tax multi-billion dollar corporations for polluting the planet with carbon emissions and causing the country to rely on Saudi Arabia for most of our energy resources. McMahon voted for the bill, which is probably why they hate it so much.

Basically they are similar, but Grimm seems more robotic about his positions - like he's reading a cue card from Rudy Giuliani. Allegretti sounds more sincere, he wins.

Which candidate is a true Staten Islander?

Neither

Also, when you're in the voting booth: don't forget to vote for Crazy Carl Paladino. Good luck tomorrow, young men. Hopefully, we helped you rack up a one or two votes. You're welcome.

Is Staten crazy enough to vote Paladino?

We just might be.

At a recent rally on Staten Island Carl Paladino was the talk of crazy town, as he comforted the right-wing nuts like a weirdo uncle that sends you racist e-mails.

"You gotta come to one of our NRA rallies, we'd love to have you," says the burly intimidating man to Paladino, the wanna-be nominee for governor of New York.

"Which part of me do you want," said the GOP hopeful, waving his limbs in the air like a marionette.

"I want all of you," said the burly man, "and bring you right up to Albany."

It was a genial exchange, like old buddies from high school. And Paladino was hamming it up everyone: kids, moms, people in patriotic gear, local politicians -- they all wanted a piece of Paladino.

A recent poll puts Carl and Rick Lazio neck-and-neck for Tuesday's GOP primary. (Lazio leads Paladino, 43 percent to 42 percent.)

Carl has made repeated trips to Staten Island, made his distaste known for other boros, and his most recent stunt is the proposal to "abolish the Verrazano toll" gimmick. We've heard that one before.

(Btw, SILive, or Advance: his name is spelled Paladino not Palladino.)

But, the Buffalo businessman's most contentious proposal is the one that seeks to house welfare recipients in upstate prisons, where they can work and take lessons on "personal hygiene." Really.

So it'll be a close one, and Staten Island can put this guy over the edge. We could be a game-changer.

Hey Mike Grimm: Your primary is coming up

Just a friendly reminder.

We wanted to take a minute and tell Mike Grimm that the Republican primary for Congress on Staten Island is September 14th.

It turns out that the the candidate for New York's 13th District has never actually voted in the primary for the very office he is running for.

His opponent, Mike Allegretti, mentioned this inconvenient fact at a 'Grimm-no-vote' press conference on the steps of borough hall, flanked by veterans. Then the Advance verified it, by asking Grimm.

"That's true," he told the Ad-vance. "I never voted in a primary."

And, as Allegretti pointed out at the smackdown:

"Who really knows him? We simply know the story that he is telling us."

It turns out that Mike Grimm ran a few restaurants into the ground after leaving the FBI, but is the candidate even from Staten Island?

If he's never voted in a primary here, has he voted somewhere else? Where was he registered? Queens? Manhattan? Rudy Giuliani's vacation house?

Someone look into this, we've got (part-time) day jobs.

Meet the crazy bastard who wants to be governor

This guy's out of his mind.

Carl Paladino, the Tea Party (Republican) wanna-be candidate for governor of New York State, is appearing at the Hilton Garden Inn in Staten Island tonight for a little handshake meet-and-greet with the right-wing activists who want to slash government spending by any means necessary.

Paladino, among other things, is known for his controversial plan to house welfare recipients in unused upstate prisons so that they can live in dorms, work there, and take "hygiene classes."

Sounds delightful.

Maybe this is an issue that Islanders can get behind. Some have already isolated themselves on the South Shore, barricading against any perceived threat from the "others."

Why not round up everybody at the welfare office on Bay Street and throw them in the correctional facility on Arthur Kill Road? They'd be happy with that, no?

Bill Clinton comes to Staten Island

Bill Clinton and Mike McMahon will be battling each other for which politician has the pastiest white skin.

Srlsy, though, Bill Motherfucking Clinton, the 42nd President of the United States, will be on Staten Island this Friday to rally support for Democratic congressional incumbent and Irish gigolo, Mike McMahon.

The event, held Friday afternoon at Wagner College's Spiro Hall, should help raise McMahon's clout among the mindless Island independents (the ones who keep voting for Bloomberg even though he's mad liberal, and keeps stiffin' the Island.)

We wonder if Team Grimm could pull a president out of their ass?

George W. is in hiding, writing his memoirs. America's mayor, Rudy Giuliani, will likely give his ugly wig a spin around Staten Island to rally support for Grimm, but there is only so many benefits that man can reap off 9/11.

Maybe Grimm could see McMahon's Clinton and raise a... Sarah Palin?

Here's how to get in:

Nine percent of Mike Grimm's money comes from Staten Island

In a long-winded explainer piece that mentions Mark Twain, Franklin Roosevelt, and the 'Greek philosopher' Plato, the Advance gets behind the whole Congressman McMahon /'Jewish money' conspiracy and actually gives us some numbers.

In our own effort at bloviating political philosophy, and summing the story up with historical references, we will point to the 1998 film 'The Big Lebowski:'

The Dude: It's like what Lenin said... you look for the person who will benefit, and, uh, uh...

That's right, look for the person who will benefit, in this case, from the whole 'Jewish money' debacle: Mike Grimm.

When Mike McMahon's campaign presented the media with the numbers for Mike Grimm's contributions the intention was to show that a lot of his money was coming from outside donors.

But Grimm, in a 'look-the-other-way' type maneuver, grasped onto the unfortunate title 'Jewish money' and tried to make a huge deal out of it - accusing McMahon of anti-semitism and tossing complaints to the FEC.

But by laying out the numbers in today's piece, the Advance gives you one figure you need to know:

9% of Mike Grimm's money comes from Staten Island.

That's compared with 49% of contributions from Staten Island for McMahon. It's no surprise that Grimm tried to divert everyone's attention away from the facts by crying foul and running to the Feds.

And y'all thought Lebowski was just an aging California stoner.

Deficit hawks still want their Bush Tax Cuts

The common refrain from the right on government spending is that the Obama administration is bankrupting the country through expensive social programs and fiscal naivete.

But now that the mammoth Bush tax cuts are set to expire - giving the rich a run for their money - frightened Republicans are sounding the alarm bells and clinging to their precious stacks of ducats

Appearing on 'Meet the Press' Sunday, Republican House Leader John Boehner gave his defense of extending the tax cuts with the rationale that they were necessary to prevent a 'double dip' recession.

A valid point, maybe, but remember these are the same Republicans that fought tooth and well-manicured nail to keep much-needed assistance from reaching the unemployment with the argument that - get this - we couldn't afford to extend unemployment benefits.

Oy Vey: Enough with the 'Jewish Money' story

First it was a flap, now it's a conspiracy. Tomorrow... the rapture?

That's right it's the little 'Jewish money' story that won't go away.

It started innocently - though idiotically - enough: a McMahon campaign aid tries to give a reporter the scoop on Mike Grimm's out-of-the-district fundraising.

A keen strategy except for one minor detail: the file was called 'Grimm Jewish Money Q2.' Honestly, what the f-- was she thinking?

The aid was swiftly fired (rightfully so) but the story doesn't end there.