Painting Soldiers at Martini Red

Hey guys.

This Friday. Martini Red. There's a few bands playing.

Painting Soldiers is a lo-fi folk duo.

Guitar Bomb is raucous blues-punk.

Admiral of the Narrow Sea is, idk, intriguing and a bit scary.

We think it's a side project from Andrew Philip Tipton.

We are pretty sure Painting Soldiers played last summer on a barge off Richmond Terrace.

In fact, it was a self-sustaining Waterpod that floated around New York City for a few weeks. There were plants, living quarters, chickens.

Honestly, it was pretty effin kick ass.

Painting Soldiers are working on an album that is being produced by Lee Ranaldo.

Yeah, the same Lee Ranaldo from Sonic Youth, at least according to COAHSI.

Nice to see a folk show down on Van Duzer. How about a little diversity? Yeah!

Admiral of the Narrow Sea - Horn

Wow, there's a lot of Old Man Bars on SI

The Cargo Cafe was closed tonight (rumors abound) so we needed to choose a drunken alternative.

We were traveling around the Island, doing "research" and discovered something.

There are a shit load of dirty old man bars that cater to burnt out drunkards who may or nay not ride motorcycles and have receding hair lines.

But you know what? these bars aren't half bad.

At first there was some general awkwardness, but after we played some Journey and Van Morrison on the juke box, the party was on.

Dudes were buying us shots and having general drunken conversation.

This particular pub on Victory blvd had a few pool tables, dartboards, TVs w/ both Yankee and Met games.

The bathrooms were dirty cesspools and there were more than a few bikes parked outside.

The bartender lady even gave us a pair us glasses because we lost ours in a drunken outing at Marie's Gourmet.

The glasses were for the Mets game, which was lost in extra innings, but the sentiment was important.

So y'all have a fav dive bar on SI? or is Martini Red the only place to go?

Hipster-fication of Staten Island

The word hipster is a completely manufactured term. It made a lot of people mad in the last decade. They wrote essays and treatise about this new demographic, but one thing is undeniably clear: the market will tap into this trend. Whenever people can be easily lumped into a category, corporations will tap that shit in order to make tons of money off the suckers through generic marketing campaigns.

Which brings us to Staten Island. Many people predicted the next influx of so-called 'hipsters' would come to this borough (via the new bullshit condos by the ferry). But the real estate market tanked, making Bushwick more desirable. And everybody knows hipsters don't ride ferries, so these new luxury apts were vacant and the island kept it college-and-white trash contingent in tact.

But Cargo Cafe has still found a venue to tap into the hipster phenomenon -- Karaoke killed the cat. This two man minstrel show comes into town once a week and brings a party that more than doubles the drunk guidos you usually find at the establishment.

We know it's all fun and games, but what is the appeal with this act? Is just karaoke, right? well, no it's actually karaoke with two condescending dancers backing you up. But wait, can't any Staten Island troupe show up at a local haunt and put on a similar stunt? Well, that wouldn't be as unique, you see. The fact that these people come from "somewhere else" gives it that outsider appeal - the minstrel show.

So Karaoke night at the Cargo continues to be one of the most popular weekly events, eclipsing original music nights from bands like Pablo. What this says about Island culture we will leave others to decide, just thought we'd put the observation out there.

Battle of the (Cover) Bands

There's always cool shit to do on Staten Island. But this particular weekend is off the hook!

On Saturday there's not just one but two(!) awesome rock concerts, and we honestly can NOT decide which one to go and see.

First, over at the Dugout Pub it's Slippery When Wet.

I know, right now you're saying, "No way. Slippery When Wet? The best Bon Jovi tribute band in the tri-state area?"

Fuck yeah. That Slippery When Wet. Not those other jerk-offs Bad Medicine.

When these guys play "Dead or Alive" it brings mother fuckers to tears -- TEARS.

So great, right? But wait, there's more.

Over at the Martini, the hands-down most radical place on the North Shore there is a - fukin - BEATLES cover niiiiiight!!

VanDuzer is gonna be off the chain when Staten's super-slacker rock gods The Jazz Funeral perform the first psychedelic rock album ever created, Magical Mystery Tour from THE BEATLES.

I really hope somebody bakes some brownies, if you know what I'm talkin about.

Craaziness on Forest ave for St. Patty's Day

The SI St. Patty's Day parade was insaaane.

First, we pre-gamed it at our buddy's house on Bard ave with a 12-pack of PBRs and smoked a bowl. Didn't really see the 'parade' as much. we watched a bootleg of Avatar instead.

but after the whole parade bs we hit the bars on Forest ave and there were people ALL over the place. there was some guy yuking on the sidewalk, cops lined up on horses, a fight in the convenience store parking lot.

some dude and a chic were having an argument out side Afternoons. we couldnt hear what they were sayin but the dude kept wavin his hands in the air and the girl started to cry a little bit. it was a little sad.

we met this other crazy cat w/ a huge green sombrero. he was smoking a cigar and had a green jets jersey on. he was so fucked. he was hil-A-rious.

The effin bars closed down maad early at like 8 cause everybody was all drunk already and the cops we just like fukin go home already. enough.

so we just got in and yuked up all green. digust.

gettin up for work tomorrow is gonna be rough!

Can Staten Island win WNYC's Battle of the Boroughs?

The AWE's Ben Johnson has posted a helpful and informative blog about WNYC's upcoming Battle of the Boroughs.

"Whether or not you feel that Staten Island should draw the glance of those who don't live here, it is undeniable that putting yourselves out there results in a higher form of play."

It seems like a great opportunity for a no-name Island group to make some waves beyond the local 'scene.' Sure, maybe a little doucey but, what isn't in the music biz these days?

So what are we gonna do Staten? Let's take a few guesses:

1. nothing
   
   
2. gripe about williamsburg
   
   
3. book another show at Martini Red
   
   
4. learn how to play a set of Arcade Fire tunes
   
   
5. score some blow
   
   
6. make trivial observations about my grammar

If anyone does actually decided to join the fracas, it would be apropo to stop by his blog and drop a note. After all, he does spend most of his time hyping your mediocre band. Something like "hey man, thanks for the info. this is the greatest idea eva" -- or, "this contest is wack, our band is way above this high school nonsense."

See, you could just copy (ctrl+c) and paste (ctrl + v) -- we made it THAT easy for you.

Now, we know the locals would rather have someone we "know" like all-star blogger Paul Bruno running shit at the Advance. But, how many times can we argue over which Angry Samoans record is their greatest?

How to score coke

Looks like a few 'chefs' got arrested for selling coke outside a North Shore establishment, according to this report by the Advance.

"Thomas (T.J.) Gleason, the 34-year-old chef at the Ruddy and Dean North Shore Steak House, and another man, Ralph Fleischmann, 40, have both been arrested on felony drug dealing charges, accused of selling $100 worth of cocaine at the bar."

Shocking, right. Well not really, but here's what is:

Sources tell us that one of the 'chefs' in question, Thomas (T.J.) Gleason now works literally right down the block at Jimmie Steiny's Pub. So if you need any coke, just go there.

In Staten Island, if you get caught selling coke at the job, no worries. Just walk about 1/4 mile down the road to find a new gig.

Woman from South Shore getting "completely smashed" tonight

Patricia Sullivan, from the South Shore neighborhood of Eltingville, said this afternoon that she is "sooo fed up" with her position as an administrative worker at Staten Island University Hospital and, as a result, is getting "completely smashed tonight" in celebration of her day off tomorrow.

"I can not deal with these people anymore," she said, refusing to give specifics.

Sullivan, who describes herself as "around 40" mentioned that she will probably go to "that bar on Forest avenue" or some other location on the North Shore.

"I am totally down to go see a cover band tonight," she said.

Jets Fans, You're Cut Off

The Jets are playing their last game of the season tonight against the Cincinnati Bengals. If they win, they make the playoffs, even thought they have a pretty crappy record (8-7).

But as fans brave the weather, traffic, Mark Sanchez, they will be unable to purchase alcohol at the game. The Star Ledger is reporting that the team has decided that the last game at Giants Stadium (which is also the Jets' stadium) will be booze free.

"[Team spokesman Bruce] Speight said the decision was made, in part, because it's a night game, it's the final game of the season and it's the last game at Giants Stadium and there were concerns about fan behavior."

There's something comical about 80,000 adults being baby-sat by the Jets ownership. Would you give these people alcohol?