The tragedy of Brian Wilson's beard

What happened on the mound during Saturday evening's National League playoff game between the Philadelphia Phillies and San Francisco Giants was a minor tragedy.

It was the 8th inning. A burly and intimidating Brian Wilson took the rosin bag. His performance didn't concern me. He was stellar. A 96-mile-per-hour fastball struck down the final four outs of the game. It was an exemplary performance for a closing pitcher - Mo Rivera territory - but something much more important was amiss: the state of his facial hair.

I sat watching the last two innings, as Brian Wilson dominated hitters, and couldn't get my mind off his prominent beard. It was long. It was heavy. A suspiciously dark hue. Something was off here. It was very neatly trimmed - manicured like the topiary on the Todt Hill estate.

It was just too damn pretty for baseball.

I consider myself a baseball purist. Not in the sense of designated hitters and dome stadiums -- these have been around since before my time. But there is a storied tradition of relief pitchers and facial hair. They somehow manage to sign a multi-million dollar contract and still look like the guy who changes your oil.

New York Jets can't contain themselves

When Mexican reporter, and alleged hottie, Ines Sainz went to Jets practice to interview Mark Sanchez the team could not control themselves.

"I entered the locker room and there were some comments and some games," Sainz told DeporTV. "I want to make clear that in no moment did I even feel offended, much less at risk or in danger while there. It was simply a situation that got out of hand."

The NFL and the Jets are looking into the situation, possibly taking disciplinary measures.

But then the inevitable backlash: people are now claiming she deserved it, because, well she's so damn sexy that she should expect sexual harassment.(!?)

We don't know what kind of sadistic man cave these people are living in. But in the interest of serious investigative journalism we decided to take a look at the evidence.

In-depth report after the jump:

New York Mets: Small ball, big park

The New York Mets are perennial underdogs, sort of like Staten Island.

After a disappointing start to their Citi Field career the team has made some adjustments this year, which may have accounted for their recent success.

It may be that they have adapted to their new (big) stadium and are playing a version of the game sometimes referred to as small ball.

With 26 wins at Citi Field the Mets are tied for the best home record in the majors despite the fact that the team has only hit 59 home runs, 11th in the league. (David Wright, the team's leading home run hitter is in 18th place with 12 dingers -- 2 at home.)

Spring Fever: Staten Island style

The Bronx has the Bombers. Queens has the Metropolitans. Brooklyn's got the Cyclones.

And, Staten Island has...um, the Yankees?

That's right.

When a single-A franchise came to the Richmond County some genius decided to name them after the greatest franchise in sports history.

Lemme guess how that meeting went:

Dbag in a suit: So, what should we call this Single A team on Staten Island?

BP Molinaro: grumble, grumble, grumble...

some other a-hole: Hoooow about....... the Yankees?

Josh Getzler: That's fucking genius. How did you come up with that?

previous a-hole: An Indian and Jim Morrison told me in a dream.

Brooklynites are quite proud of the Cyclones. You can spot them wearing their Cyclone T-shirts and hats all over town.

Can you imagine wearing a Staten Island Yankees T-shirt?

How many of these things do you think they sell??

The season is still a few weeks away. There is still time to fix this. How about we change the name?

Here are some suggestions totally free of charge -- we will accept beer as a gift though.

The Staten Island Shoguns (in honor of Wu-Tang)

Vanderbilt Chops

In honor of those rich fucks buried at Vanderbilt's tomb, and Cornelius Vandebilt's mutton chops.

What are some other good names we can come up with? There's gotta be more options.

We need to get together and change this awful name.

What kind of jerkoff borough names their minor league team after another borough's major league team?

Obvious News Day

Mark McGwire came out today to reveal something we already knew.

In a long statement sent to the AP McGwire admitted to using steroids --which basically proves that baseball has been a complete an utter farce since the mid-90s.

"After all this time, I want to come clean," McGwire's statement said. Great!

Too little, too late. He probably wants to clear his name before he starts his new job as a hitting coach, and he maybe thinks the admission will buy him a ticket into the Hall of Fame. (Not likely.)

Also, the ultimate teflon politician Sarah Palin got a new job as a Fox New commentator -- probably the one position she actually is qualified for.

No matter how much crazy shit you hear about this woman, a certain segment of the population continues to believe she's a cogent human.

If it was up to Staten Island, she would be vice president right now. (That's right, we voted for McCain.)

In a new book on the 2008 presidential campaign, Palin is described by McCain staffers as confused, depressed, overwhelmed, and flat out dumb.

She actually did not know the difference between North and South Korea, she didn't know who attacked us on 9/11, she didn't know who we were fighting in Iraq, or any other important shit you need to know if your gonna run the country.

But you don't need intelligence to work at Fox, just ask Alan Colmes.

Jets Fans, You're Cut Off

The Jets are playing their last game of the season tonight against the Cincinnati Bengals. If they win, they make the playoffs, even thought they have a pretty crappy record (8-7).

But as fans brave the weather, traffic, Mark Sanchez, they will be unable to purchase alcohol at the game. The Star Ledger is reporting that the team has decided that the last game at Giants Stadium (which is also the Jets' stadium) will be booze free.

"[Team spokesman Bruce] Speight said the decision was made, in part, because it's a night game, it's the final game of the season and it's the last game at Giants Stadium and there were concerns about fan behavior."

There's something comical about 80,000 adults being baby-sat by the Jets ownership. Would you give these people alcohol?

Will the Mets Still Blow with Jason Bay?

The Mets finally made a big off-season move and signed Jason Bay to a four-year contract for a shit-load of money (does it really matter how much?). But the question is: will the Mets still blow next year? Or, will they be awesome until September and then blow?

Bay had 36 homers, which is a lot in the post-steroid era, and he had 119 RBI. This translates to roughly 20 and 90 in Citi Field.

They've also signed 18-game winner Kelvim Escobar who will probably get injured sometime around July.

Could they pull off another late-season collapse that makes Met fans want to throw their televisions out the window?

Only time will tell. Just about 60 days until pitchers and catchers report to spring training.