Hipsters wage war on Duane Reade

The New York Times featured a story Friday about the scourge permeating the hipster neighborhoods of Brooklyn: Duane Reade.

Apparently, a second version of this chain establishment is opening in their artist enclave/former-crack epidemic crime zone. And this is just too much for the trustafarians to bear.

The Times lays it down:

For many residents it signaled that dreaded chain stores — symbols of all things corporate and uninspired — were about to breach the industrial neighborhood turned bastion of the young, do-it-yourself and arty.

Arty? That's a word, I guess. Odd how these 'residents' will happily take the L Train to Manhattan everyday, where there are - i dunno - maybe just a few Duane Reades. Also, what is there position on Starbucks? Tell me these kids like bodega coffee. I'm sure their anti-corporate crusades stop at the point of Cappuccino convenience.

The official Hipster Survey

Some people said that the hipster died with the '00 decade. And we said, 'Oh yeah? Prove it!'

Well thanks to the City University of New York now we can.

The departments of sociology and anthropology have combined in this painstaking effort to create a demographic profile detailing where, when, and if the hipster actually exists. It's all compiled in this neat little survey.

You see, unfortunately the U.S. Census does not have a category for 'hipster' under ethnicity so that whole ten-year data collection is basically useless.

This is the only way we can honestly quantify hipsters.

Here's the plan: gather enough data of Staten Islanders, compile it, hire a statistician, average it up, and presto. We have a hipster index for Staten Island.

We can then compare our hipster index with other neighborhoods in New York City by using the internets to survey those areas.

OK Greenpoint, let's see what you got? If everyone cooperates we'll email other blogs and get them to pony up.

Survey is below:

St. George 'artist' will start his own band

An island artist, in his mid-to-late 20s, started a band recently that he says will be "completely fucking ridiculous."

Mark Schooler, who lives in an apartment in St. George, said that the band did not have a name as of yet.

"We have a few ideas," he said. "I want it to be zany. Like something you wouldn't expect."

The band will play a combination of originals and covers and will be "sort of like a cross between Johnny Cash and Animal Collective."

"I know it sounds weird but, you know what's crazy about it? I don't even like Johnny Cash."

Can Staten Island win WNYC's Battle of the Boroughs?

The AWE's Ben Johnson has posted a helpful and informative blog about WNYC's upcoming Battle of the Boroughs.

"Whether or not you feel that Staten Island should draw the glance of those who don't live here, it is undeniable that putting yourselves out there results in a higher form of play."

It seems like a great opportunity for a no-name Island group to make some waves beyond the local 'scene.' Sure, maybe a little doucey but, what isn't in the music biz these days?

So what are we gonna do Staten? Let's take a few guesses:

1. nothing
   
   
2. gripe about williamsburg
   
   
3. book another show at Martini Red
   
   
4. learn how to play a set of Arcade Fire tunes
   
   
5. score some blow
   
   
6. make trivial observations about my grammar

If anyone does actually decided to join the fracas, it would be apropo to stop by his blog and drop a note. After all, he does spend most of his time hyping your mediocre band. Something like "hey man, thanks for the info. this is the greatest idea eva" -- or, "this contest is wack, our band is way above this high school nonsense."

See, you could just copy (ctrl+c) and paste (ctrl + v) -- we made it THAT easy for you.

Now, we know the locals would rather have someone we "know" like all-star blogger Paul Bruno running shit at the Advance. But, how many times can we argue over which Angry Samoans record is their greatest?

Why Hipsters Should Move to Staten Island

So the hipsters want to pretend they live in a trailer park. They've converted an empty factory into a garage for trailers because everyone knows making lofts outta that shit is so 2008. The new 'trailer park' is in Bushwick, which is where the kids started to migrate when the market tanked and the trust funds couldn't keep up with Williamsburg rents.

The only next logical step is that the hipsters move across the Verrazano to Staten Island, because who would expect that.

Here's a few reasons why:

We have Carnies: You would not believe how many shitty carnivals, second-rate circuses and generally sleazy ethnic fairs there are on Staten Island every summer.

There's a historic village: Just like in that Chuck Palahniuk movie 'Choke.' I know, it's not as violent as 'Fight Club' but look at what these chics wear. Who wants to be an administrative assistant when you can work at this place.

There is an actual trailer park: Over on the industrial end of the Island, where the fumes of New Jersey's factories drive across the Bayonne Bridge in buses, there is a real-life mobile home community -- or as the locals call them: garden homes.

So, what's it gonna be Brooklyn? Maybe this summer you guys can come here, work in a local attraction, live in a fine garden home, find a cute bumpkin to drink 40s with, fall in love, and listen to Crowded House just like this Michael Cera lookin' mofo in 'Adventureland.'

Crowded House - Don't Dream It's Over