Thursday, November 4, 2010

10 questions for 'The Situation'

Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino came to the Barnes and Noble by The Staten Island Mall Wednesday night to sell some books.

As the 'Jersey Shore' wanes in popularity (MTV is already moving on to younger programming) the reality star is grasping at his newfound fame and whatever monetary deals come his way.

The Situation - or, more accurately, his ghostwriter - has written a new book that celebrates his shallow, manufactured, misogynist lifestyle.

Even the local paper could not hide their contempt as we detect a smidge of snark in their straight report.

Reportedly 600 people showed up, and the video verifies that at least some screaming young women were excited about the opportunity to meet the character and/or read his epic piece of literature.

Since we have no desire to go near this piece of shit, unless given the opportunity to smack him in the face, here what we would have asked him:

1. Aren't you too old for this?

2. Will you ever go back to stripping?

3. Do you hate all women, or just ugly ones?

4. How far back have you set the Italian-American race? 10 years? 20?

5. Why do you act like a blue-balled teenager on the show every time you don't get laid?

6. Seriously, what are you gonna do when your 15 minutes are up?

7. Where do you get your human growth hormones: from a doctor or a street pharmacist?

8. Do the Jersey Shore producers tell you to act like an asshole, or is that just naturally how you are?

9. Are you investing you money well? We are concerned about this.

(last but not least)

10. You embody the vapid materialism that some people associate with the borough of Staten Island. Your regular use of the term 'grenades' is demeaning and insulting to young girls you don't ascribe to your qualifications of 'hotness.'

Of course there is more to life than tanning and laundry. But you have become a cultural icon of sorts. With this status, comes an inherent responsibility to represent, and in some ways placate, some types of people you would normally shun and mock.

If your career is going to last longer than the show's 'trainwreck' popularity you need to act more as a responsible adult than the adolescent image you currently project in the public sphere. Will you attempt to transform yourself into a more serious public personality?

We recommend fundraisers, anti-discrimination campaigns, non-profit work, positive messages to youth about steroids and so forth.

MTV is using you. Your management is leeching off you. You're a multi-million dollar revenue stream. But if you don't get some serious career advice, it will all be over faster than you can say 'Ruben Studdard.'


5 comments:

  1. i cant believe people actually idolize this idiot. i wonder if he knows hes gay yet?

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  2. hes sick dnt bag him cunts

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  3. 4. How far back have you set the Italian-American race? 10 years? 20?

    LOL HAHAHAHA

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  4. #10 isn't a question..

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  5. 1/2 Good point,
    1/2 Jealous much??

    ~B

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