2010 Pros and Cons: Grimm and SI Girls

It's that time of year, everybody!

It's been a busy week, but we wanted to create a Top 10 list, compiling the 'best and worst' of Staten Island for the year. However - as usual - we found ourselves endlessly contemplating the merits of each and every one and then taking a nap.

So due to laziness and/or over-analysis we came up with Pros and Cons - a series of posts that look into the good and bad of this epic and tumultuous year of all things Staten.

Staten Island Girls:

This mini-meme sensation from our Staten shores was probably deemed sad and pathetic by most people who watched it, but we saw some redeeming qualities in this.

The obvious contradiction in this YouTube vid getting over 500K views was that a large percentage of viewers were laughing at, and not with, these young women. We are guessing they intended on making a mockery of the SI/Jersey Shore couture, but being so entrenched and isolated on this peculiar island, the girls gave us a unique insight into the race species that is 'the young locals.'

My Big Friggin' Stereotype

Now that Jersey Shore Season 2 has ended, Viacom could not help themselves but dole out another pitiful reality program that portrays Italian Americans as shallow, materialistic pieces of trash.

The latest tome in their canon of diminishing returns is My Big Friggin' Wedding, a reality show that follows four couples as they plan out the biggest day in their young guido lives. Not surprisingly, there's a lot of drinking, embarrassing revelations, and gross generalizations.

There's even a token character of color thrown into the mix, a Haitian man named Danny. He's mostly there to show how others react to his skin color.

"My grandmother was crying hysterical, for months, because I was marrying a Haitian," his to-be bride admits.

"My family is making him feel like he's gonna steal something as soon as he walks in. Like, please."

Guidos gone viral

After the latest Staten Island mini-viral sensation, 'Staten Island Girls,' some faux-guido guys wanted to get in on the action.

These five brave Staten Island youngsters are auditioning (?) for the next season of ‘Jersey Shore.’

They have the blowout down to a science, Ed Hardy gear in tact, pretentious sunglasses, and chains too!

The wannabe viral video doesn’t include any singing, but give the guys credit for the choreography – from ‘semi-robot’ to ‘fist-pump’ to one guy jumping on the bed. It’s inspirational.

Jersey Shore: Angelina and Vinny smash

Thursday's 'Jersey Shore' was a Staten Island smoosh fest. There was fighting, crying, drinking, and the eventually sweet, sweet love-making from the most unlikely couple.

The all-Staten duo of Angelina and Vinny smashed one night after a drunken bout of partying - even though they were battling the entire episode and Vinny didn't even buy her a Fossil watch or anything.

In the midst of the Staten smoosh, Situation and Paulie tried to brand Angelina the Staten Island Dump which is obviously copyright infringement, but we can't really get into it (our lawyers are working on this)

In the end, the episode taught us a lesson about guidos on Staten Island.

When we are drunk we'll never pass up the opportunity the bang a hot chic, cute dude, guidette, juicehead, grenade, bottom of the sneaker. The are no limits or laws on Staten Island. No rules except the ones we impose upon ourselves.

This is what makes us such great fodder for reality TV. Our self righteous attitude is so palpable, it almost justifies itself.  We don't even have to act like assholes, because we already are.

Angelina and Vinny were having a great time that night. They'll probably wake up and pretend it never happened - or not remember it at all. Whatever, that's how we do out here.

Daily Show fights discrimination on Staten Island

There must be a casting agent that doles out guidos every time a television show wants to film on Staten Island.

In last night's Daily Show 'Staten Island Supreme Court' piece, the crew scoured the Island to find a veritable cast of candidates for the Supreme Court - but, predictably, they found a bunch of guidos, some with a history of reality show appearances. (Was the Tea Party not available?)

Matthew Titone also makes an appearance, but the real meat of the piece follows the Jersey Shore model: throw a bunch of Italians in a room and wait for them to say funny shit. The same method we used at our weekly Sunday dinners growing up.

In case you missed it, watch and learn:

www.thedailyshow.com

Do not send Guido Paulie on a beer run

Number 1 mistake.

When you run out of beer at the backyard stripper-filled BBQ, don't send Guido Paulie to the store. Guidos can't do anything right, and they'll probably get Coors Light.

As this documentary locally-produced beer commercial shows, parties on Staten Island need beer, and nerds know where to buy it. Wait. Whaaat?

A very plausible Casey Jost look-a-like saves the day in this piece by keeping it Staten and shopping at Bridge Beverage (somewhere on the South Shore). And Guido Paulie - what a dick - gets caught in traffic riding to Jersey.

Moral of the story: effe Jersey. Guidos are dope, but unreliable. Also, Staten Island has hot chics and awesome BBQs.

Don't believe us? Watch the video for yourself:

Jersey Shore responds to becoming gay icons

Apparently, those were Jersey Shore guys on the cover of the Voice's Queer Issue (don't watch the show). And, like the utter douchebags that they are, they have responded quite predictably to the event.

"I don't give a shit, man," said Vinny Guadagnino.

"I've done so many photoshoots and they're pretty much all the same. I go in there, do my thing, take my shirt off, get my hair and my make-up done and they dress me. I take the pictures and wherever they end up, they end up."

The Guido Faux Hawk

Have you guys seen this incredibly doucey hairdo?

It's the punk-rock-turned-emo faux hawk, re-imagined for the cast of Jersey Shore.

Last week, we were at the Hilton Garden Inn for a conference of the Staten Island Economic Development Committee -- the epitome of the Island's cesspool of high culture and socialites --- and some enormous dickhead walked in, with a freshly pressed outfit straight from the Hot Topic catalogue, and was sporting this god awful 'anti-establishment' rat's nest on his Bamaha Bronzed scalp.

Thing is -- this was the second time in one week that we encountered this monstrosity on Staten Island.

The 'Guido hawk' is markedly different from its punk rock descendent in a number of ways.

1. Hair Gel: Much more is used, creating a more manufactured effect. This isn't your cool uncle's bed head.

2. Length: The guido faux is short. No Tim Armstrong spikes that poke someone's eye out or look like a paper Chinese folding fan.

3. Sculpt: This faux is carefully crafted by only the finest of Italian-American hands. Hours a day can be spent in the bathroom of their gated mini-mansion, while the young men carefully tweak each last strand until the final product is a proud example of both their individuality and their oneness with Staten Island's MTV, Meatpackers District couture.