Sunday, July 4, 2010

Call to Action: Let's Beat Wyoming

Tonight we were sitting around the campfire, ruminating about how great this country is -- or, more specifically -- this boro of Staten Island; because everyone knows this is REAL AMERICA.

But then the conversation turned angry when our chief accountant, Maxwell Simmons, brought up the unfortunate distribution of funds in this great land and how -- to mildly paraphrase Maxwell -- we get effed like a b.

The MTA effes us, Bloomberg effes us, and Paterson can't even LOOK at us. And what do we do about it? As Maxwell aptly retorted:

'Do we look like a bitch?'

Well, this won't stand. This aggression will not stand! We have organized a call to action. We want everyone to tell everyone else: fill out your census forms, for you, your family, your dog, your illegitimate (second) family, dead people, gerbils.

Why? One reason, and one reason only: we need to beat Wyoming.

According to the most recent census population estimate Wyoming has 544,270 people, while the same estimate for Staten Island is at 491,730.

That's right -- Staten Island has almost as many people as the state of Wyoming!

And, even better we can beat them. Wyoming's population actually decreased -3.47% from 2000 to 2005 and Staten Island's has gone up over 10% over the past 9 years.

Why does this matter? Well, partly because in 2005 Wyoming got $2.2 billion in federal aid. For what, idk, put webcams in Jackson Hole. Or possibly to celebrate the 10 year anniversary of the naming of their state dinosaur, the Triceratops (1994).

They also got a paltry 1.9 bill in 2007. I'm sure they found something to do with it.

This is money that Staten Island should get. We deserve it.

We need to mobilize. We need to get this done.

It's only the first step in a series that we believe will turn this into the Promise Land.

1. get more people
2. succeed from the city.
3. succeed from the state.
4. form a semi-autonomous region in the South Shore, ruled by former Congressman Vito Fossella
5. get that federal aid.

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