Saturday, July 31, 2010

Snooki: less Tony Soprano more GG Allin

Like a bad case of herpes MTV's 'Jersey Shore' returned this week aiding some misguided clowns as they degrade themselves and take an entire culture and geographic location down along with them.


Not that there is zero merit or history in this form of entertainment - one can see the debasing performance art of GG Allin in their brand of self loathing sadism - but this particular method of sacrifice is done without apparent knowledge of the repercussions or tangential effect on others. (Live Fast Die = GTL?)

It's television at its most basest form - sex, drugs and rock and roll without the rock and roll. Substance is replaced with shallow, feeble-minded materialism. Talent replaced with cleavage, insults, and testosterone.

Staten Island is not prominently featured in the 'Jersey Shore' series, but occasionally pops up as a rhetorical punching bag along with a myriad of other offensive, derogatory, demeaning statements and actions done and said to gain attention (because, what more is there to achieve than stardom?)

Staten Island's own Angelina refers to herself as the 'Kim Kardashian of Staten Island' because what the fuck is Kim Kardashian famous for again?

Nicole 'Snooki' Polizzi has evolved as the newest Italian anti-hero - sort of in the vein of Tony Soprano without any of the redeeming qualities. Polizzi has solidified herself in the pantheon of modern day fleusies. Her recent arrest at Seaside Heights this weekend will likely place her somewhere near the drowsy Amy Winehouse in the Hosebag Hall of Fame.

The hero is seen shortly into Episode 1, bronzing with her self-described 'juicehead' boyfriend; ready, willing, and able to whore herself out for whatever adventures may lie ahead in her well-scripted future.

"I don't wanna cheat," the young woman says. "But if you’re gonna hand me a bottle of SoCo, something just comes over me – I just go crazy!"


Therein lies the premise of the entire series: follow these idiots around with a camera, supply them with enough alcohol, strategically place them in compromising situations and edit the entire debacle into miniature sound bytes that can seem comical and maybe even charming in a carnival-like way to people who live in Bumblebutt, Iowa.

The thinly-veiled reality show guise is a crude joke. Manufactured plot lines are neither plausible as 'reality' or even executed well once the characters are directed to do as they're told.

While riding down to Miami, a bronze, steroid-filled male stripper ponders if Angelina will show up to their new debauchery den. Hey asshole, have you not been in contract negotiations for months about this??

We're guessing there is some more antics and an awkward reunion to come in the episode, but to find out we'd have to watch the entire thing, and there's really no need for that, is there?

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