Greenpoint explodes: Staten Island wins, by default

Gothamist is reporting that there's been some kind of explosion in Greenpoint, which is the Polish ghetto kids moved into when Williamsburg started to suck .

Listen to this harrowing email Gothamist got from some fucking douchebag:

"Huge explosion heard in Greenpoint. Can't see anything but can hear sirens and fire trucks heading to the scene. Don't know what happened."

Wow, sounds crazy. Could be a nuclear meltdown? Maybe the terrorists have come after the hipsters.

Everybody knows that Staten Island and Williamsburg have been at war ever since we started it here at the Dump like, idk a few months ago. So this looks like a clear win for Staten.

Will they strike back? Is the Mall their next target? Do you think they have money to pay the Verrazano tolls?

Meet us for an emergency meeting at Martini Red in 0:500 hours.

Les Vinyl throws a party

These dudes are throwin' a party. It sounds like fun. There's music, food, fine beverages, a new album.

They even made a video to highlight how great it is.

The video speaks for itself, but we wanted to mention that we appreciate how Les Vinyl sought out a new venue for this event because if we have to spend one more night is that disgusting rathole on Van Duzer, we might have to kill someone.

Cheers.

The new Titus Andronicus video is rad

This is a band from New Jersey, and they have no connection to Staten Island except for the fact that they probably drove through here a bunch of times on their way to play gigs at the Market Hotel.

But Titus Andronicus just released a new video from their album The Monitor, and it is fucking awesome. This is just the kind of anthemic, mildly self-deprecating, suburban punk rock that helps define places like the South Shore.

It propagates under-the-surface and in the subconscious of residents from Tottenville and Prince's Bay and rises above in an attempt to create 'a more perfect union.'

VOX POP: Staten Island Politics

Hey, so every once in a while we like to get a little opinion from the average joe trolling the internets. We know it's not exactly representative of the entire island, or even a sliver of it, but hell, other, real, publications do it all the time, so let's try it as well.

Today's entry comes from the Facebooks of the world. Mike Grimm is running for Congressman McMahon's seat in November. Apparently he wants to repeal the health care bill. One of his supporters chimes in. It's not earth-shattering, but however here what he says:

Looks as if Grimm's supporters, or at least one of them, have some pretty heavy things to say about the president, wonder what the campaign thinks about th... oh, looks like they took it down.

New hip spot or Jersey Shore dive?

A few weeks ago we got off the ferry and headed to the Cargo Cafe. But while walking on Bay Street we passed what was once a filthy coke den, and is now a fancy, clean -- possibly even swank-ass -- restaurant/bar called Pier 76.

So we decided to try it.

The pizza is great, it's basically that Joe & Pat's type-shit. (If there's one thing Staten Island can't fuck up, it's pizza.) The beer was good too. We ordered a Stella, which the barkeep said was two-for-one, but only served us one and said, "thank you" -- whatevs.

But there was one glaring issue: the people. It seems that Staten Island is not able to construct a halfway decent bar without attracting dickheads.

OK, we know, who cares, just enjoy your beer. No -- these people are loud and obnoxious and you can NOT just simply ignore them. Anyone within a ten-foot radius is required to listen them by the laws on physics.

The topic of conversation was basketball: fine. But the people kept repeating each other's talking points about how bad "Cornell fuckin' sux." It was like a Jean Paul Sartre-meets-Mike Francesa nightmare.

They also talked about work -- a lot. Dudes, we don't want to hear about your effin job, and do you realize how LOUD your talking it's 6-fuckin-30 at night.

And one thing was for sure, they did NOT like us being there. One dude kept saying we were rude for taking his spot. There weren't even seats. We are standing at a bar, go stand somewhere else, asshole.

So, yeah, it's great. A new restaurant by the ferry. But the clientele sucks.

We know that guidos run the island, but St. George??

This is just one of the places where a Jersey Shore-esque establishment has opened recently in the neighborhood.

So the question remains: should the cultural elite of SI (ie the Dump and it's loyal readers) support an institution such as this one?

Should we attempt to blend in and mingle with the Pier 76 crowd? Can we peacefully co-exist in a fist-pumping orgy of a good time? Or, should we just stick with the Cargo Cafe?

Solitude and reveries

Bad Day for McMahon

Things are gettin' crazy out here on SI.

On Sunday, Rep. Mike McMahon voted "no" on some health care thing that apparently was a huuuuge deal.

You can follow that all that convoluted nonsense here, but for now we will summarize what people have been saying today ('cause that's what blogs are for, no?)

The NY Daily News is all like, the White House is PISSED yo! and McMahon won't be gettin' any dough from us, according to sources.

The Advance is all up on this -ish, reporting that some left-wing dude Steve Harrison is going to mount a primary challenge against the congressman.

Meanwhile, one of McMahon's potential Republican opponents, Mike Grimm, is bashin' him over the head with right-wing rhetoric.

But not to be out-teabagged, the other white meat, er Republican, Mike Allegretti goes to the NY Post to make his case.

Oh, and btw, the Brooklyn Eagle said that anti-war demonstrators were protesting outside McMahon's BK office on Friday.

So it's a pretty shitty day to be Rep. McMahon. But what was he supposed to do? Vote "Yes"?

That woulda been even worse.

The Tea Party would scream bloody murder. The pro-life crazies would come out of their proverbial closets. Old-timey folks with pitchforks would mob Tottenville towne. All chaos would break loose. We'd all be living off rationed Joe & Pat's for months.

Actually, that last part isn't so bad.

Staten Island Says 'No' to Health Care

Staten Island's Rep. Mike McMahon was the only "No" vote on health care reform out of the New York City delegation.

In a sense he gave the island exactly what they wanted: blind obstruction.

It's no surprise that most of the island, although grossly misinformed, is decidedly against the president's health care initiative -- or any other initiative he has for that matter.

But now in the exegesis stage of the debate the Advance has decided to run a celebratory piece on McMahon's "No" vote.

Never mind that the paper has done a piss-poor job of explaining the bill and how it will affect Islanders, small businesses, hospitals, etc. Also, never mind the the paper has given saturating coverage to the local looney tune chapter of the Tea Party. But, to add insult to injury, they feed us this bullshit piece on reaction to McMahon's vote that cites such veritable sources as "mrbabydeema" and "Weepeople."

The piece also sights more legitimate sources like the Tea Party who said, wait for it, they won't vote for McMahon in November anyway -- even though he caved on their demands.

People close to the Dump have done reporting on this topic and the feelings from the mid-island business community was generally weary of this elusive plan.

Here is a sampling for Sept 09:

“My husband has his own business and he pays $2,000 a month for insurance. We’re hurting but I do have three kids. I don’t know what I’m going to get (if reform passes).”

- Pat Siringo, clerk at Uniquely Yours

“It’s not the cheapest but at least I have insurance. I am concerned about the effect this plan will have on seniors. I don’t want any more change; I’ve had enough change.”

-Lorraine Graziano, owner of S I Quick Print.

“My wife had to get a job at (Staten Island University) Hospital so I could get health care. I went for two years without insurance. But, if you work 20 years to get to a certain point with your business why should you be penalized (with higher taxes). It’s not right, I hope it doesn’t pass.”

-Michael DiGuido, owner of The Animal Pantry.

"He won't vote for it, and it won't pass. Financially it doesn’t make any sense. Staten Island is a conservative place in general. Staten Island can take care of itself.”

-Warren Crapo owner Crapo Realty

Every single business owner, the reporter tells us, complained about the rising costs of health care. However, every single business owner was strongly against health care reform.

Is there a disconnect here? Where are they getting their info? Fox News? The Advance? The Marketeer?

It'd be interesting to go back to these various business owners and see how they feel about the bill, now that it passed. Are they hopeful, scared, concerned, angry?

A companion piece on the health care issue also appeared in the paper: an epic, above-the-fold, front-page, Sunday piece that leans toward advocating "secession legislation."

Great, so let's remove ourselves further from the city. It's not like the 4 boros already look at us with the disdain of a red-headed stepchild. Let's capitulate this nonsense by advocating this ridiculous plan and desperately attaching it to the "national issue" of state sovereignty and tangentially the entire misguided and paranoid Tea Party movement.

The paper and the boro's embrace of this rabid ideological stance is wrong, not representative of the entire borough, and will only hurt us in the long run.

For a borough that put Mayor Bloomberg over the top in the last election, we have leverage. Let's use it.

History Lesson

There is a long and storied history of music on Staten Island. Perhaps some of you have heard the rumors of Dead Kennedys playing on Bay Street way back.

You see, in the '90s there was a hardcore/punk scene -- and it was actually pretty bad ass. We had touring acts from all over the country come to this shithole venue in the ghetto where 40s were $2.50 and there was a pretty good chance of getting mugged.

And when the local bands, like say Muddfoot, traveled out to idk Queens, Long Island, or Manhattan, we all packed into a beat-up car and followed them. Shit, we had to, that was our band just as much as it was the dudes who actually played the instruments. If we didn't show up to see them it was like some sort of insult to SI as a whole, a slap in the face to what we thought was important. Also, it was fun (the non-allergic type).

Then in the early 2000s we had bands like The Realistics, who went on to become semi-indie famous but when they started we were fukin there, all of us, in lower Manhattan. Because this was our chance to make it, make it off the damn island and show the rest of these motherfuckers that we were just as good, if not better, than them.

So while there has been much the kerfuffle over recent comments made about certain entertainment, they are just observations, or an informed opinion, or a bunch of horseshit -- it's up to you. You see, the knee jerk reaction to defend this 'art' has probably proven out point that this sacred cow has become oddly popular and criticizing it is somewhat analogous to bitch-slapping Mother Theresa. Would there be the same "outpouring of support" if we went on to attack, say, The Headlocks, Paragraph, or Jay Miller's popular television show.

Reasons to Quit

L'douchebag comes to Staten Island

This is a story about a man named Nathan Miller. Ivy League student, Mid-Western transplant and avid bowler.

Nathan writes a blog called L’histoire de sa vie where he muses on subjects such as Shake Shack burgers, the melting snow, and the tedium of grading papers as a Teacher's Assistant.

Recently, Nathan wanted to see the Statue of Liberty so he rode the ferry, like every other jerkoff tourist who comes to this city.

Then, Nathan decided to write a blog titled "Staten Island Smells Like Garbage," which basically describes the borough as a vapid wasteland.

"Upon reaching the island, I was amazed that the stories of Staten Island being basically just a landfill ... were true."

OK, well Nathan, maybe you could have walked over to St. George, ate at some Sri Lankan restaurants, or traverse the grounds of the Snug Harbor Cultural Center. Maybe you'd like to visit a Tibetan Museum, didn't think we had one of those, did you?

You could have went over to the Park Hill projects, which houses one of the biggest Liberian refugee communities in the U.S. Or, you could take the bus and see the historic home of America's first female documentary photographer. There is even a few bowling alleys, if that's your bag.

We could go on. You didn't do any of this. You sat in the ferry terminal to reinforce your preconceived judgmental views of Staten Island. Then you wrote a blog about it.

Nathan ends by saying:

"Hopefully those thirty minutes will be the only time in my life I have to visit Staten Island."

Great. Don't come back. We don't want you here. This is exactly the kind of close-minded Manhattan-ite elitism we despise.

So get back on the ferry, and don't let the door hit you on the way out.

The Don Draper of Staten Island

Vito Fossella is back! And this time it's not in some second rate town hall meeting its on NY1 - and it's on tonight!

"The lesson learned, in large part, is to do the right thing, when you can," Vito said on NY1.

Vito appeared genuine and remorseful and dapper as always which brings us to our main theme:

Vito Fossella is Don Draper.

Think about it, his behavior is deplorable. He maintained a secret side-relationship. He likes to drink -- a shit-ton. And the guy even looks like the Mad Men character.

But, here is the important similarity: We still love the guy. How could you not?

He is sincere. He is a family man. He looks damn good. We can identify with his plight.

He just wants to help, make the Island a better place.

Maybe there is something in his past. Something that haunts him. Maybe one day we will find out what that something is -- in the next season??

We hope there will be a 'next season' for Vito, because, to be honest, Staten Island is not the same without him. He is just the sort of divisive partisan that could explain this whole health care reform issue, boil it down to a simple talking point that Islanders can understand and then unite against it.

We need you Vito, please, come home.

Check out the latest internet meme

Hey guys, we were just checkin in. What's been going on the past few days? Anything good?

Heard sumthin' bout a storm. There's a new pretzel shop at the ferry! Then there's that congressional race that's heatin' up!

Let's see, what else? Well there is this new internet sensation. A woman(?) has been releasing video via the tube of You and they are really effin crazy, but kinda good zany music. here's what we found about her:

the ephemeral, transient sounds coming from iamamiwhoami are nothing short of mind-numbing. the airy, surreal vocals and haunting spacious soundscapes leave lots to the imagination and implant nearly-permanent impressions of a unknowable and frankly unreal commodity.

One of the artist's most successful feats has been maintaining her anonymity. With so many people ready to exploit and critique any artist who attempts to exist solely under their work, this particular character has the honor of having her art judged on its own merits - instead of the whims of whatever minor flaw the blogoshere can find with her (music or otherwise).

Wow, that's hard to understand but sounds crazy -- like this video. check it out below, and let us know if you can understand what it is about.

Our sincerest apologies

SI Dump started with the humble intentions of mixing some good old fashioned reporting with honest criticism about the elusive and misunderstood boro of Staten Island.

The Island is often maligned and deserves better.

We love Staten Island, why else would we name our dump after it?

But we made a mistake -- a big one.

We dabble in criticism. In the past we have tackled small potatoes like former-US Rep. Vito Fossella, indie rockers Cymbals Eat Guitars, billionaire mayor Mike Bloomberg, the boro president, and the Zoo's groundhog. These guys are nobodys.

But we struck a chord when made wrote a social critique that alluded a two-man dance troupe from brooklyn.

We had no idea that this act was so important to Staten Island, so integral to its culture- its very existence.

First off, everything on Staten Island is culturally, aesthetically, and morally superior to everything else, everywhere. just 'cause, don't argue with us.

with one exception: these guys.

it turns out these are nice dudes. they travel across the Verrazano and entertain us out of the goodness of their hearts.

of course, we have plenty of local talent who can provide the service of karaoke hand-holding, but these guys do it better: they have funny names, sick dance moves, and gold mother fucking teeth!!

Our staff would like to offer our apologies and put this to rest so we can go back to analyzing why the South Shore is so fucking lame, right?

Hipster-fication of Staten Island

The word hipster is a completely manufactured term. It made a lot of people mad in the last decade. They wrote essays and treatise about this new demographic, but one thing is undeniably clear: the market will tap into this trend. Whenever people can be easily lumped into a category, corporations will tap that shit in order to make tons of money off the suckers through generic marketing campaigns.

Which brings us to Staten Island. Many people predicted the next influx of so-called 'hipsters' would come to this borough (via the new bullshit condos by the ferry). But the real estate market tanked, making Bushwick more desirable. And everybody knows hipsters don't ride ferries, so these new luxury apts were vacant and the island kept it college-and-white trash contingent in tact.

But Cargo Cafe has still found a venue to tap into the hipster phenomenon -- Karaoke killed the cat. This two man minstrel show comes into town once a week and brings a party that more than doubles the drunk guidos you usually find at the establishment.

We know it's all fun and games, but what is the appeal with this act? Is just karaoke, right? well, no it's actually karaoke with two condescending dancers backing you up. But wait, can't any Staten Island troupe show up at a local haunt and put on a similar stunt? Well, that wouldn't be as unique, you see. The fact that these people come from "somewhere else" gives it that outsider appeal - the minstrel show.

So Karaoke night at the Cargo continues to be one of the most popular weekly events, eclipsing original music nights from bands like Pablo. What this says about Island culture we will leave others to decide, just thought we'd put the observation out there.

Battle of the (Cover) Bands

There's always cool shit to do on Staten Island. But this particular weekend is off the hook!

On Saturday there's not just one but two(!) awesome rock concerts, and we honestly can NOT decide which one to go and see.

First, over at the Dugout Pub it's Slippery When Wet.

I know, right now you're saying, "No way. Slippery When Wet? The best Bon Jovi tribute band in the tri-state area?"

Fuck yeah. That Slippery When Wet. Not those other jerk-offs Bad Medicine.

When these guys play "Dead or Alive" it brings mother fuckers to tears -- TEARS.

So great, right? But wait, there's more.

Over at the Martini, the hands-down most radical place on the North Shore there is a - fukin - BEATLES cover niiiiiight!!

VanDuzer is gonna be off the chain when Staten's super-slacker rock gods The Jazz Funeral perform the first psychedelic rock album ever created, Magical Mystery Tour from THE BEATLES.

I really hope somebody bakes some brownies, if you know what I'm talkin about.

Craaziness on Forest ave for St. Patty's Day

The SI St. Patty's Day parade was insaaane.

First, we pre-gamed it at our buddy's house on Bard ave with a 12-pack of PBRs and smoked a bowl. Didn't really see the 'parade' as much. we watched a bootleg of Avatar instead.

but after the whole parade bs we hit the bars on Forest ave and there were people ALL over the place. there was some guy yuking on the sidewalk, cops lined up on horses, a fight in the convenience store parking lot.

some dude and a chic were having an argument out side Afternoons. we couldnt hear what they were sayin but the dude kept wavin his hands in the air and the girl started to cry a little bit. it was a little sad.

we met this other crazy cat w/ a huge green sombrero. he was smoking a cigar and had a green jets jersey on. he was so fucked. he was hil-A-rious.

The effin bars closed down maad early at like 8 cause everybody was all drunk already and the cops we just like fukin go home already. enough.

so we just got in and yuked up all green. digust.

gettin up for work tomorrow is gonna be rough!

Facebook wars: Staten Island

Recently, someone started a Facebook page under the name "Staten Island" -- which is great. The forgotten borough deserves its own Facebook page, right? Now we can interact, communicate, connect, discuss, make the world a better place.

The page started off on a great foot, by encouraging people to join:

Then, the page let us know about this awesome website called WhereYouEat.com:

Fantastic. Next, they told us about coupons for saving money on WhereYouEat.com

Now, "Staten Island" on Facebook is getting huge, everyone is joining:

Cool, so "Staten Island" tells us about great places for 'dining out' or 'ordering in' (via WhereYouEat.com):

Then hunger kicked in, but "Staten Island" let us know that there is a solution to this problem. All we have to do is browse the website WhereYouEat.com and find a great restaurant:

But where can we go to view menus and photos of local restaurant? Anyone know? Wait, "Staten Island" does:

All this useful information even helped WhereYouCanEat become the "second most visited Local Website":

Everything was great. And then, it turns out some asshole made a page called Staten Island the Facebook Page is a cheap marketing gimmick.

Could this be true? How could they do this to us? Were we fooled the whole time? Is WhereYouEat not an awesome site?

The Dump will get to the bottom of this.