Wednesday, March 17, 2010

L'douchebag comes to Staten Island

This is a story about a man named Nathan Miller. Ivy League student, Mid-Western transplant and avid bowler.

Nathan writes a blog called L’histoire de sa vie where he muses on subjects such as Shake Shack burgers, the melting snow, and the tedium of grading papers as a Teacher's Assistant.

Recently, Nathan wanted to see the Statue of Liberty so he rode the ferry, like every other jerkoff tourist who comes to this city.

Then, Nathan decided to write a blog titled "Staten Island Smells Like Garbage," which basically describes the borough as a vapid wasteland.
"Upon reaching the island, I was amazed that the stories of Staten Island being basically just a landfill ... were true."
OK, well Nathan, maybe you could have walked over to St. George, ate at some Sri Lankan restaurants, or traverse the grounds of the Snug Harbor Cultural Center. Maybe you'd like to visit a Tibetan Museum, didn't think we had one of those, did you?

You could have went over to the Park Hill projects, which houses one of the biggest Liberian refugee communities in the U.S. Or, you could take the bus and see the historic home of America's first female documentary photographer. There is even a few bowling alleys, if that's your bag.

We could go on. You didn't do any of this. You sat in the ferry terminal to reinforce your preconceived judgmental views of Staten Island. Then you wrote a blog about it.

Nathan ends by saying:
"Hopefully those thirty minutes will be the only time in my life I have to visit Staten Island."
Great. Don't come back. We don't want you here. This is exactly the kind of close-minded Manhattan-ite elitism we despise.

So get back on the ferry, and don't let the door hit you on the way out.


  1. For the record, I left a comment for this coward noting what must be his extraordinary sense of smell. He deleted it.

    I didn't even threaten him with grievous bodily harm! Unless you consider suggesting he donate his nose to science an act of violence.

  2. He won't approve any of our comments. Are there legal ways we can terrorize him?

  3. His Facebook:

    Not that I'm suggesting we all send him nasty messages or anything.

  4. I have had to take the ferry many times between 1pm and 3pm when it is jammed packed with tourists and I usually just play my music and ignore them but sometimes assholes like him ruin my day I one time got into a fight with a group of tourists because I was standing on the deck of i believe the newhouse just hiding in the corner enjoying the breeze and I was told I was standing in the "picture taking spot and unless i was taking pictures i should move" it took every ounce of control i had not to throw that fanny pack wearing douche from iowa overboard in short I HATE TOURISTS And the picture taking ass holes that ride the ferry