Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Staten Islanders of the Decade

That's right, a decade-end list specifically devoted to your favorite borough. OK, even if it's not your favorite borough, these people are golden and if you don't know about them , you probably should.

After a painstaking process our staff came up with the definitive list of 10 great Islanders. There are lots of honorable mentions that aren't included, and because this is a democracy we will accept write-ins. Also, none of this "I moved to Brooklyn" shit, those people don't count.

So get ready to celebrate Shoalin and all the ridiculous people on it.

Vito Fossella - Staten Island's political golden boy did lots of important shit in Congress, but the dude really put us on the map for being a major playa when he got caught driving shit-faced to his girlfriend's house. He tried to make a comeback recently until some asshole outed him at a local function.

Ghostface - We shouldn't have to justify this but let's just say: Wu-Tang, Fishscale, Tony Starks, Supreme Clientele, Theodore Unit, MF Doom, Bulletproof Wallets. Ghost even came out with a song in '09 called "Stapleton Sex." Don't forget your roots, boys and girls.

Paul Bruno - Those who attend any half-assed bar on the North Shore should recognize that DJ PB set the standard for Island shindigs in the early 00s, playing non-stop dance parties that mashed Le Tigre with Madonna before it was 'ironic' and Girl Talk was getting laid for it. Plus PB has a blog, and it's actually good.

David Johansen - That's right that David Johasen. The one from The New York Dolls and also his cocktail-sipping alter-ego Buster Poindexter. He raked in the royalties with "Hot, Hot, Hot" but he is still doing the solo thing and, more importantly, still living on SI. Way to go.

Terrible Tim - Tim's raunchy TV show has been entertaining late-night stoners for years and his folk act has been kicked out of every open mic session on the North Shore. But Tim capped off the decade with the most improbable feat of all: he actually made it onto the airwaves with the help of WXRP's Rich Russo who called his song "Nitrous Oxide" the next "Louie, Louie."

James Oddo - We're sure that Councilman Oddo has done lots for the Island (and if this was a respectable blog, we'd do some research on that) but he really made his mark when some Norwegian Jon Stewart wanna-be tried to punk him in his office. Oddo responded in kind with a proper "EFFE YOU!" Congrats Councilman, next time those fools wanna prank somebody they could go bother Marty Markowitz.

Scott LoBaido - If you haven't seen Mr. LoBaido sitting at the bar in the Cargo Cafe for, like, every night the past ten years you have definitely seen his patriotic artwork sprawled across the Island like graffiti in some 1984-like dystopian society. His American flag paintings are plastered on every school, deli, church, tanning salon.

Jay Miller - Mr. Miller started off the decade with his superstar fake punk band and ended it with an even more popular fake TV show --- and he did all this while holding down a real job. He's like a renaissance man on the Island and the youngsters should look to him for guidance, sorta like Yoda.

Douglas Franks - We don't really know why. It's Douglas Franks, of Douglas Franks Realty. He wears a cowboy hat. His picture is plastered all over the Island. He's always smiling. What else do you need? Douglas Franks, ladies and gentlemen.

Diane Savino - Plenty of people thought Staten Island was full of homophobes and guidos until Diane Savino came around to smack down the New York legislature. The NY State Senator made an impassioned speech in support of gay marriage on the Senate floor, giving hope that 2010 will bring a more progressive era to even the most backward of constituencies.

No comments:

Post a Comment